A conscious parenting liberating truth is the power of letting go of the burden of control in our children lives.
Let me explain with a little backstory:
My birth was a roller coaster ( to say the least)
I loved the idea of a water birth, and patiently had my birthing pool all blown up and ready to go by week 37.
I spent weeks listening to natural birth stories and every night envisioned a beautiful and calm home birth.
Well, let’s just say my daughter had very different plans on how she was to enter the world…
Long story short : I developed pre-eclampsia, got induced which led into a c-section
And while my birth experience was still positive, it revealed the reality of control we have as parents.
This doesn’t mean we let our kids run around, doing and going whatever they please.
Because as parent’s we are in charge of their safety and well-being first and foremost.
The problem only arises when it becomes about controlling who they intrinsically are.
Here are the top 3 insights from the Awakened Parent that busts the myth of control as parents.
1. ENVIRONMENT
We cannot control our children. We can only create the conditions for them to rise.”
Dr. Shefali Tsabary
Think back to a time when you were running late to something.
Now visualize the sensations and the energy of the space around you.
Finally, remember the way your children responded.
Perhaps they were :
- Taking forever to one single shoe on
- Didn’t remember to take their lunch with them
- Received a disciplinary at school for being unfocused or distracting
- Was extra whiny / more difficult to deal with
You might have lost your cool, thinking :
- We are always running late because they can’t get there things together!
- Or blame their behavior on why you’re running late
Then we get in the chaotic of trying to control our children’s behavior, trying every way possible for them to behave.
But the truth is :
One of the only things we are fully in control of as parents is the atmosphere of our homes.
When our home’s are in accordance with our values our children’s energy will reflect that( taking the burden of us!)
To help you get started, Dr. Shefali Tsabary, Child Psychologist & Author, suggests asking yourself:
- Am I setting up the environment that promotes harmony?
- What am I don’t ( or not) that is making my children behave in a certain way?
2. OURSELVES
As parents, the second thing we have control over is ourselves.
Yet we often get caught in the unconscious trap of ” they made me react in this way by their behavior.”
This is why I love how Dr. Shefali describe’s our kid’s as “our awakeners.”
In that they truly shine the light on the weight of our triggers and childhood traumas.
This doesn’t mean we’re a Buddha 24/7 but that we’re simply turning the script from a reactive state to responsive instead.
3. SWITCHING PERSPECTIVES
Our little one’s come into this world, already designed with their own beautiful assortment of uniqueness.
Our dreams for our children might look nothing like what they envision for themselves.
And that’s okay because just as we are here to walk our own path, so are they.
In other words :
We have no say in how our children choose to express themselves if it is in true alignment with who they are.
Rather, a powerful approach instead is to :
- Embrace and honor their strengths ( and weaknesses / limitations)
- Encourage qualities most in tune with their inherent self
For example:
- If our child is quiet, or, introverted does that mean we overload them with social activities? Perhaps, we allow them to experience the world through their their own terms?
- If our child fails does that instantly translate to their lazy or unbothered? Perhaps, there’s value to their limitations in a particular subject.