As a new parent, I remember all the generalized advice on how a newborn should behave.
And the stress that followed when my daughter very much made her own rules…
- Wasn’t feeding for exactly 30 minutes on each side
- Didn’t feed every 2 hours on the dot
- Refused being put down in her brand new moses basket
In fact, when the nurse came for her 8 week check up, I remember the look of pure astonishment as I told her she still fed around every hour to hour and a half.
So, for my sake she encouraged I take her on a walk around the block when the first signs of hunger began.
You can then imagine my hazy post-partum confusion, when she followed up with I should always be responding to her needs, no matter what…
What?!
Fast forward to today my daughter is now 7 months old ( the prime “stranger danger” era.”)
Yet now the comments have manifested into:
- You’re making a rod for your own back!
- She’s so close to her mom…
- It’s good to let them cry sometimes..
Now as a parent, I know there will come a time to encourage our children to spread their wings.. but gosh.
The pressure seems to be growing ever so young in our society.
So much so, it makes me wonder:
What is the obsession with babies being independent?!
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TURNING BACK TO NATURE
Mothers who left their children alone for more than a few minutes soon had no children. Their genes were eliminated by natural selection. By contrast, the genes that compelled mothers to stay with their children were passed down to numerous descendants. You are one of those descendants. Modern women have a natural genetic inclination to stay with their children…
Carlos González
Michaeleen Doucleff was fed up with the overwhelming pressures, many of us modern day parents struggle with today.
Not finding solid answers in the typical parenting guidance, she decided to travel to Maya, Inuit and the Hadzabe in Tanzania village to live and learn from the families there.
These cultures use parenting methods that had been embraced for thousands of years, many of them rooted in children’s biology ( connection, collective duty, autonomy, and opposition from coercion or force) raising the most raise extraordinarily kind, generous, and helpful children in turn. ( Read Hunt, Gather, Parent here)
Yet in our society, we have lost nurturing this inmate connection somewhere along the way.
From the latest educational gadgets, ipads ( more kids spending time indoors than ever), sleep training, packed and rigid schedules, the focus seems to be favoring success in economic grow than raising strong autonomous and resilient children.
Furthermore, Darcia Narvaez, professor of Psychology at the University of Notre Dame, new study findings further backs a more attuned approach, concluding:
Child rearing practices in hunger-gatherer societies ( holding, sleeping close to caregiver, responding every-time to cries, etc.) led to:
- Improved mental health
- Stronger development empathy & conscience
- Higher intelligence
Vs. modern societies, her findings showing:
- Increased mental health disorders ( anxiety, depression, aggression) with depriving children of empathy in early years
WHAT ATTACHMENT PARENTING ISN’T
This isn’t to say mother’s who don’t do these things are inadequate.
To believe that is yet another attempt to dis-empower and shame mother’s who know what is best for their children.
Yet this is only meant to challenge traditional parenting philosophies that is dampening true parent-child attunement ( the key to fostering a secure attachment)
All this to say:
Attachment parenting isn’t a set of rules or competition, yet simply a mindset shift to family unity, alignment, and trust.