Having the confidence to stand up for myself was one of the biggest battles I struggled with ( and sometimes still do) during my adolescent and teen years.
My anxiety told me if I spoke up then I would come off as “rude and too assertive.”
Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to say more but just couldn’t.
And while I looked nice and agreeable on the outside, in the inside I was a mess because I wasn’t living my truth.
If that sounds all too familiar, you definitely aren’t alone.
According to Mental Health America, fifteen million ( 7%) of American adults struggle with social anxiety disorder.
With an issue being so prevalent in our society it is easy to get stuck into the habit of people pleasing.
It’s true that we are our biggest advocates, although those who struggle with social anxiety disorder it can be difficult to speak up for themselves for fears of being judged or seen as less than by others.
SO, HOW CAN YOU TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR ANXIETY?
By making a conscious effort to incorporate these coping mechanisms in your life , you will notice a significant improvement in overcoming social anxiety.
1. Get Clear on Your Boundaries + Values:
When you don’t know your values and boundaries, it is easy for people to break them. You teach people how to treat you by what you accept and what you don’t accept. Try writing a list of what values are most important to you and what it looks like to be treated in a way that honors that.
At first, setting boundaries and stick to them when a situation comes up can be a daunting task, especially at first. “How Am I Learning to Set Boundaries with My Anxiety” offers a personal but helpful take on setting boundaries if you’re just starting out.
2.Recognize Negative Thinking Patterns:
You should tell yourself frequently ‘I will only react to constructive suggestions.’ This gives you positive ammunition against your own negative thoughts and those of others.
Jane Roberts
You deserve to advocate for yourself despite the stories your mind may be telling you. Changing negative thinking is a skill that doesn’t happen overnight but once you get a negative thought ask yourself, ” is this serving me and the person I’m trying to become?
3. Change Your Language: Using I vs. you
Those who struggle with social anxiety are often nervous to become assertive when an issue pops up because of a possible negative reaction. For a higher probability of a more open conversation consider changing your approach.
Therapists recommend starting with “I “ when discussing an important conversation because it prevents the other person from automatically getting in defense mode. For example:
- “I felt lonely when you did not come home to have dinner with me all week.”
VS…
- You made me eat alone all week! Why don’t you ever make time for me anymore?
See the difference? Using you vs I tends to lead to a more defensive and less responsive atmosphere in the person receiving our message.
4. Pump Yourself Up!
Make a conscious effort to do things that put you in a good mood like:
- Listening to upbeat music
- Cooking your favorite meals
- Regular exercise
- Investing in clothes that make you feel good
Taking care of your body, mind and spirit will create positive energy. When you feel good about yourself , it is much easier overcoming social anxiety because you’ve shifted your low energy into a newfound confidence.
Related : 30 Creative & Budget Friendly Self Care Activities
5. CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)
If you want to start overcoming social anxiety consider trying a session of CBT. It is an effective method by trained therapists to identify negative thought patterns and apply methods to reduce those behaviors. From my own experience, CBT has been extremely helpful in challenging my common social anxiety patterns which drastically improved my confidence in situations where I would be quick to get into the habit of people pleasing.
THE TAKEAWAY:
You can still radiate confidence, be a kind human, and still be assertive despite what your social anxiety is telling you! All it takes is a sticking true to the formula:
- Clear on boundaries / values ( when you don’t what your boundaries & values are, it’s easier for people to break them.)
- Recognize negative thinking patterns ( is this thought serving me & the person I want to become?)
- Use I vs you ( using I when bringing up a sensitive topic helps stop other person from getting in defense mode.)
- Pump yourself up! ( what puts you in a good mood?)
- CBT ( effective therapy method to reduce social anxiety patterns)
So, what situations can you stand up for yourself more, and what methods will you use to implement them?
Kendra | Self Care Overload says
I absolutely love this list! As a professional therapist, I totally agree with trying a session of CBT as well as recognizing negative thinking patterns. Sometimes a change in our mindset can truly make a difference in how we feel. I appreciate this list!
Kendra | Self Care Overload
Rose says
Thanks Kendra! Right? CBT was definitely a life saver for me and I’m so thankful for it. And wow, I’m actually going to grad school next year for therapy and can’t wait for that next journey.
Thanks again!