For years, I confused being my biggest motivator with being my biggest criticizer instead…
As a introvert ( so desperately trying to be an extrovert) young creative ( dance, drama), and young woman navigating life through high school and then college, there was plenty of times where own mind piling shame and judgment on every decision I made ( or didn’t make)
Everything I accomplished had to be bigger, brighter, more this, more that!
Sound familiar?
Unfortunately, this is true for too many of us. Which leads to the question : why talk to ourselves in ways we would never allow anyone else too? Having the healthiest self-relationship is the key to unlocking our highest confidence, creativity, and self-acceptance.
Without further ado, here are the best 3 tools to the healthiest self relationship
1. Evaluate
We’ve all had those conversations with our loved ones, when we’re missing an aspect of the relationship. Whether that be going out, quality time, or conversations. So, what practices that encourage connection with yourself have you been putting on the backburner? For me, I know I feel the most connected with myself when I take the time every evening to wind down. This looks like:
- A nice long shower with my favorite rose scent
- Evening devotional + mantra meditation
- Finishing off with evening reading
This helps me to stay connected to my values and self, which can easily get lost in the hustle and bustle of everyday life.
2. Create self-love habits
“People who love themselves come across as very loving, generous and kind; they express their self-confidence through humility, forgiveness and inclusiveness.”
Sanaya Roman
When you look in the mirror, what are the first thoughts you think about yourself? It may not feel like it, but the same love you feel for others, you deserve to feel that way for yourself. Self love is the epitome of fostering the healthiest self-relationship.
3. FORGIVE
We are constantly evolving and through this change there are times I look back cringing at my past self and think, “ Why in the world did I ever do that?!” That’s why it was liberating when I heard Oprah say, “ when you know better you do better.” Suddenly, I couldn’t judge my past actions anymore, but instead look at them and evaluate what I could’ve done better in that situation, and simply allow myself to move on. Because it wasn’t fair to judge present day me with 5 years ago, 10 years ago, even a year ago me.
THE TAKEAWAY:
“Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Eleanor Roosevelt.
And the same is true for how we talk and treat our very own selves. The relationship we have with ourselves is not only a way to encourage creativity and confidence within, but also models how we want to be treated by others. When it’s time to rebuild again, and you have no clue where to start, remember these 3 key steps:
- Evaluate ( what connection practices have you been putting on the back burner? Are you missing those deep conversations, quality time, just let go & be silly with yourself? Find them, reconnect with them.)
- Self Love ( When you look in the mirror / pictures what’s the first thing you think? Are your criticisms coming from a place of construction and self-awareness or doubt and judgment?)
- Forgive yourself ( As Oprah famously said, “ when you know better you do better.”)
So, which of these tools are you using to foster the healthiest self-relationship?